Tryin' Hard

Tryin’ Hard  

I took a walk to the other side of the block

Been lookin’ for a way to keep my body outside the chalk

But I’m walkin’ and I’m walkin’ and I’m running and I’m running

And I never seem to get anything worth something

I figure I could get out of bed today,

But that’s such and easy thing to say

I’m hopin’ and I’m prayin’ that today’s the day when I get myself together again, some way

I took a drive to the other side of town

Every things the same its like I’m circling around and around

Stop and go driving never bothered me much

And a big car crash feels nothing like a punch

I’m running out of gas in a metaphoric sense

And my steering wheel is a little bit tense

I’m stuck in one direction but that doesn’t mean straight

And your destination isn’t always your fate,

So I’ve learned

I took a plane to the other side of the world

Tryin’ my best to find the perfect kind of girl

The one that will listen and will take my hand

Make me feel like a true-blooded man

Never wants to take a useless chance

And always tells me I can do, not I can’t

She’ll want to do more then sleep every night

And she’ll always know that I could make her feel right,

I can

Dear Once Dearest

Dear Once Dearest,

            It’s a shame sometimes when I think of how it ended up for you. Not that you really even know the truth. Well at least not as of right now. You left, I stayed but in a big way I left too before you were even gone. And it didn’t feel wrong. I just wanted to be happy. You just wanted to be happy. I did something that made me happy. You did something that made you happy. And now you’re thousands of miles away. And I’m years further then that. Seemingly have my future intact. I’m really sorry if the truth hurts but I hope someday you can understand and forgive. I’m just trying to live. And I let go so you could do the same. I don’t want you to point blame. Because in some ways, you too are at fault. I still think about the ‘what ifs?’. But really, what for. I’m happier, and you’ll get over it. People always do. No exception for you. I hope you're learning everything you wanted to learn. Seeing everything you wanted to see. Doing everything you wanted to do. For you. Like you made me see. It was for you. No matter what you left behind. You where going to. And you did. Good riddance.  I just hope you’re happy always. Because that’s all that is important. Trust me on that.

I swear it would have gone bad anyway. We would have ended all this someday.

Lets just take it for what it was and what it is. Though I admit it could have been better than this. 

Honesty IX

Honesty Part IX

Headphones and dirty feet. Feel naked inside. Am out. Out of excuses or explanations. So I just fill up with hesitation. Don’t know where to go from here. Or from there or there or even over there. Surrounded by things I'm to comfortable with to change. Habit. Its sad shit. And I don’t know what to do about it. Well, maybe I do, but I just don’t know how to go about it. I just spray paint a t-shirt and tell myself I'm being productive. But the truth is its worthless. To society that is. To them I need two cars and a business. Ex-wife with three kids and a mistress. Is that what life is? Not paint on a shirt? Or music playing in my headphones? Or just trying to spend as much of my life as I possibly can with the people I love the most? Cause for me, it seems, those things are enough. Perfection. Eleven bucks in my wallet. But I've found perfection. A girl and friends I love more then anything. And I've found perfection. No career or planned future but I've found my perfection. And its real. No script. No actors. No on behind the scenes. No one else but me. Living my life for me. Doing what I need to be happy. For me.

Big Mistake

Big Mistake

Count the craters on the moon

Like you’re meant to learn

You’re just singing out of tune

And I feel the burn

Walking ain’t easy

When you’d rather run

And feelings are cheesy

But that’s just human

Let’s get it straight

Let’s get it right

I’m not the one you want tonight

Let’s get it right

Let’s get it straight

I would be your big mistake

Black shadow, white halo

And a bright red tongue

Dark eyes, skin pale

With an iron lung

You’re magic if you think

It’s just that easy

If it were I’d drink

And you’d always please me

Let’s get it straight

Let’s get it right

I’m not the one you want tonight

Let’s get it right

Let’s get it straight

I would be your big mistake

Your love is a complex

It’s your idea of fun

And I’ve been taken out of context

So your work here is done

Your hands are flawless

They’re making me a wreck

They fit without a problem

Squeezing tight around my neck

Let’s get it straight

Let’s get it right

I’m not the one you want tonight

Let’s get it right

Let’s get it straight

I would be your big mistake

When I Come Home

When I Come Home

I could take a train

Fly in a plane

I would drive my car

But will you be there

When I open the door

When I come home

When I come home

When I come home

I could beg and plead

Even get down on my knees

Would you take that from me?

Would you wait one more day?

To see it all, become the same

When I come home

When I come home

When I come home

It can’t all be lost

There’s still a little bit of cause

I’m asking for something real

Can we take a little time?

Let’s not rush, lets make this right

When I come home

When I come home

When I come home

Thoughts Realized II

Thoughts Realized II

I want another kind of God

I want another kind of God

Cause I don’t want to have to pray to get what I want

It’s so simple, but you make it so hard

It’s so simple, but you make it so hard

I’m breaking your neck and you are twisting my arm

1 for 2 and 2 for 3

1 for 2 and 2 for 3

But 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10 for me

I’ve been resting all my bones

I’ve been resting all my bones

Cause I can’t wait to never come back home

Each day is just like the rest

Each day is just like the rest

Try to live my life, but I’m dying fast

Sitting here thinking of god knows what

Sitting here thinking of god knows what

But each time I think I’m just pushing my luck

I stand in line to wait my turn

I stand in line to wait my turn

Then in the front I pay what I earned

Lots of things just don’t seem right

A lot of things just don’t seem right

But nothing changes cause no one will fight

Let's All Just Pretend

Let's All Just Pretend

Everyone’s got bad news for me. 

In the papers or on TV.

Lets just pretend that we don’t see. We don’t see.

Everyone’s running to where to go.

Like sheep in an endless show.

Let’s just pretend we don’t know. We don’t know.

Everyone’s controlled by this country.

There’s greed as far as the eye can see.

Let’s just pretend that we are free. We are free.

I just never know what to do.

And I’ve never been taught how to.

But let’s just pretend I love you. I love you.

Lets just pretend I love you. I love you

Strange Feeling

Strange Feeling

From you I get a strange feeling

That things aren’t always what you’re seeing

You play funny tricks when you’re scheming

Try giving some rest for the healing

I don’t think you

Know what I’m going through

I suspect you got it all figured out

Must be nice to live life without a doubt

Ran so many circles I lost count

But you seem to know what its all about

I don’t need you

To try and pull me through

I hear thunder doesn’t always bring rain

But your words are bringing me pain

I’m trying hard but feeling the same

You never change you just change the name

I feel as you do

That way may be through

Cabin Pressure

Cabin Pressure

The cabin pressure

In this airplane

Is driving me

Insane

I’m moving

East towards

A place where

I can move forward

It’s not that

I’m leaving

It’s just that

I’m grieving

I lost my

Composure

Afraid of

Exposure

So a move is

In order

A swift push

To the border

Line

I’m flying

The cabin pressure

In this airplane

Is driving me

Insane

And next to me

The passengers

All look like

Characters

In a movie

About my life

They stand in

While I die

I hope we don’t

All go down

In a fire

Hit the ground

So a move is

In order

A swift push

To the border

Line

I’m flying

The cabin pressure

In this airplane

Is driving me

insane

Show Me The Way

Show Me The Way

I’m waking

With a new mindset

Trying to get my feet wet

Trying to make the best of it

So I can live the rest of it

The way I want

Time keeps on spinning

And I keep on moving

Don’t know where I’m going

But I’m moving

And it feels like I’m losing

At everything I’m doing

And if you know a way out of here

Please show my the way

Will you show me the way?

Please show me the way

Street Of Change

Street Of Change

I took a walk down to Seventh Avenue

Passing stores I wouldn’t dare go in to

Traveling away just to come towards you

Passed a man holding out his hand

Sometimes hope is in high demand

And sometimes pride is in a coffee can

I have nothing to offer when I’m here

And when I’m there, I’m without a care

Life is just small print, buyer beware

I know it’s easy to get stuck in this place

But I’d advise you to just walk away.

You’ll see things that smile without a face.

Pay no mind, sometimes it happens that way.

Just keep moving, this life is like a chase.

If your lucky maybe you’ll get there someday.

I’m seeing row after row of eyes

Every other seems to be up in the skies

Can’t we just try and stay focused on the prize

Almost there, I’m just about at your feet

Your face is trying hard to be discreet

I can’t get over the things you expect from me

Honesty VIII

Honesty Part VIII

Drawing party lines like it really matters with whom I spend my time. “You have to be this high to ride this ride.” Then what? You die. Sorry if its cut so short but I haven’t written in a while and I just don’t want to lie. Cause lets face it, the act of death is about that quick. Sure, dying can take a life time but death is like a strike of a match. Shot in reverse. Life is the catch. Can't rehearse. How sad is spending your last hours wondering who will remorse? Does it matter? Your life is over. Just lay there and smile. And try to think of the first time you felt pleasure. And let your last breath go with laughter. Cause once your gone the bad times wont matter. The pain, the tears, and those party lines wont matter. Just go out better then how you came in. And we’ll think about your beginning to end. Till someone else’s time comes, and you're forgotten. It’s a sad story.

Honesty VII

Honesty Part VII

I smear paint to feel sane. Like it’s a game. Do it right you win fame. But fame for an artist is all in the name. Signature at the bottom of a piece decides whether its priceless or worth pennies. Forgot to mention that it’s a game you can’t win. Out just as quick as you were in. And selling your soul is a sin. Don’t follow your heart and you might as well give in. Play dead. But forget you were playing and let it go to your head. How sad. But artists aren’t remembered till their death. So I'm racing for the finish line. Mean while, trying to by time with a signature. There is no bigger fear then failing at the things you hold most dear. Like failing her. Don’t want to think of it. An artist greatest inspiration. Love. Or an artist ultimate downfall. Love. A surrealists dream. Sent from above. A realists notion. Bound to know of. Knew he would know love. At least once in everyone’s life its something they can be sure of. They’ll love. And whether they need to paint it on canvas or sing it out loud they will show love. But hate can also send you fumbling for a fix. Choosing dark colors to mix. Horrible images that your mind can transfix on almost make you crazy. Disturbed and emotional as your painting. But its all meaningless if you don’t really have the feeling. Can't fake it. Can't fool us. Can't get off with an explanation. Cause the work always speaks for itself. Always go with a true feeling you’ve felt.

Thoughts Realized I

Thoughts Realized I

I got the Dust Bowl Ballads hanging on my head

I got useless family members praying for the dead

But God wont help you if you only need him when you need a hand

I got an empty room, empty heart, and empty hands

And I’m not sure which one I’d rather fill first, damn

Cause it’s a long rough road till your satisfied, yeah

Its such and easy life when your not thinking

So other peoples lives just breeze right by

But I’m still sitting here going no where fast

I don’t need to much to help me get along

Just a good story to put into a song

And someone like you to help me sing along

It’s been years since we met girl, oh yeah I’m doing fine

So glad to see you well after all this time

But this isn’t no love song so goodbye

You're So Haunting

You're So Haunting

I see you coming

You’re so haunting

I run away

I run away

When I wake

It’s all made up

There has to be a way

There has to be a way

Time is so telling

I don’t buy what it’s selling

Day after day

Day after day

It’s so long

And I've been so wrong

Wasting away

Wasting away

Elbow (Through Magnetic Fields)

Elbow (Through Magnetic Fields)

I would love your elbow

If it gave me one look

I would beg and you’d say “hell no”

But one word is all it took

Infatuation and all the rest

You have me hanging on a string

I would beat out all the best

For just a summers fling

We’d run through magnetic fields

In my dreams you’d run along

Not just pretending to shield

Since when do two positives make a wrong?

Cause I know I’ll love you forever

You will figure it out soon

They say better late then never

You will get there too

I’m a man that just needs loving

Though you may seem uninterested

I see movies of our future coming

You’re just having trouble picturing it

I would love your elbow

Even as it pushes at my chest

I would beg and you’d say “hell no”

We both know that’s code for yes

Slipping Through

Slipping Through 

I know what it means

When you look at me

Like you don’t know who I am

And you won’t ever again

But I don’t want to lose you

I’m holding on but you’re slipping through

No, I don’t want to lose you

I’m holding on but I’m slipping too

I’ve cried all I can cry

I’ve tried all I can try

But I’ll just about die

If you’re not in my arms tonight

I don’t want to lose you

I’m holding on but you’re slipping through

No, I don’t want to lose you

I’m holding on but I’m slipping too

I’ve never felt so helpless

When all I want is to change this

My hands are tied and I’m doing nothing

Watching it all fall, waiting for something

I don’t want to lose you

I’m holding on but you’re slipping through

No, I don’t want to lose you

I’m holding on but I’m slipping too 

Weak

Weak

It was winter when I first saw your face

Butterflies in my stomach and someone else in my place

You could’ve knocked me back in time with that smile

I knew I wouldn’t get you out of my head for a while

My knees were strong

And you made them weak

Never thought the day would ever be real

Me calling you mine, knowing how it would feel

You couldn’t have been sweeter if you tried everyday

If you needed something from me, you just had to say

And I’d follow along

 For you I was weak

Now time has stood still and I’m watching it stall

Crawling in place where I used to stand tall

The pain in my chest filling up to the brim

I’m clawing the door but you wont let me it.

My pride is all gone

Cause you’ve made me weak

Tuesday, July 24th

Tuesday, July 24^th

I go a day without seeing your face

And it feels like something’s out of place.

I go an hour without hearing your voice

And it feels like I’ve never heard a noise.

If that means I need you,

Then it must be true.

If that means I love you,

Then I guess I do.

I go a minute without you near me,

And it feels like I’ll always be lonely.

I go a second not seeing your eyes

And it feels like I am going to die.

If that means I need you,

Then it must be true.

If that means I love you,

Then I guess I do.

Lifetime (What Women Do)

Lifetime (What Women Do)

Once when I was eight

I thought could be

Anything that I

Wanted to be.

Then my mother left

Left me all alone

To figure out that

I could always be wrong.

First I count to ten.

Then I think

Of all the time I’ve left.

It’s a lifetime. It’s a lifetime. It’s a lifetime. It’s my lifetime.

The first girl I met,

She said she loved me.

And I found it so easy

To say it back.

The second girl I met,

She said the same thing.

So did the third and fourth.

It just keeps going.

First I count to ten.

Then I think

Of all the time I’ve left.

It’s a lifetime. It’s a lifetime. It’s a lifetime. It’s my lifetime.

Just a week ago

My Grandma passed away.

She helped raise me.

Made me who I am today.

And the strange thing

Is I did not cry.

I just understood

That it was her time.

First I count to ten.

Then I think

Of all the time I’ve left.

It’s a lifetime. It’s a lifetime. It’s a lifetime. It’s my lifetime.

Introducing Mr. Empty

Introducing Mr. Empty

Introducing Mr. Empty

Running with nobody

Your worlds getting cloudy

And I’m seeing the same thing

The chance of rain seems likely

One hundred percent or just missing

And you’ve got people wishing

That you would change everything

They talk of the chip on your shoulder

They talk of you getting older

Don’t you think it’s time to see clearer?

Mr. Empty you could be something

Introducing Mr. Empty…

Life: N/A

Life: N/A

Some people like to smoke cigarettes

I like to drive with the windows down

I’ll earn my cancer driving around town

Moving round

If it’s not one thing

Then it’s the other

Why bother

Why bother

Life, not applicable

We say we want what we don’t need

And so many have said they don’t need me

Well me I’m ok with that

Just don’t come back

Life, not applicable

Mathematics

Mathematics

Running by the road, chasing cars, passing passer-byers.

Shaking hands, making friends, time just never seems to stand

It just goes on and on

Counting words, counting letters, counting syllables.

Some you like, some you hate, some who could do so much more with their lives.

First blank expressions now smile in spite

You cared to much, held on to tight

Counting lovers, counting lives, counting conversations.

Jump of the clouds, stand on the sky, take a bow with no reason why

Park your car, make a move

Let all your troubles pass through you

Counting heads, counting arms, counting toes and fingers.

Time is long, life goes fast, you're already past.

So lets cheer for laughs, take some chance

I want to lay on the grass

Counting bugs, counting stars, counting atmospheres

Honesty VI

Honesty Part VI

Writing like it’s supposed to be there. Supposed to be thought, said, read. What for? I can’t explain myself when I’m dead. Take me out of context. Think it was for a contest. View me as a wacko who’s thoughts congested his brain till he burst. I’m not cursed. Not crazy. But been hurt and lazy. Been happy. Been sad. You know the usual one with the other, tit for tat. What ever the fuck they ment by that, What makes bad words bad? What makes some women nag? What makes some kids lose dads? What makes you ask questions when you should just sit there glad that your even here at all. Sit and hope from grace you don’t fall. Grace being life. Fall being the end of it. Kind of negative. But it’s ok. Somewhere right now a couple is making a baby they won’t take care of. Life springs eternal. Or so they say. They being someone else that really had nothing to do that day then to think of some stupid shit that millions will eventually adopt and obey. Cause philosophies come so cheap. On a magnet, calendar, or the bible at your feet. Read, think, repeat. But don’t think so hard that you disagree. Cause then you might actually have a valid opinion and maybe for once see that if you actually use the brain you were born with you might be able to finally truly be happy. No fake smiles and fortune cookie philosophy. But don’t promise me, cause I don’t care one way or the other. What’s yours got to do with mine? No time to see what you think I need to. I don’t mean to, but it’s late and I really don’t need you.   

Honesty V

Honesty Part V

Laying here thinking about contradiction so I sit up and think about something different. Life’s a gas, isn’t it? Not as in funny but as in the gas you pass after years of bad food. Might sound crude but to others, true. But not new. I’m not trying to be original by saying life’s a waste. It’s been said, sung, and displayed, and more each day in new ways. Like when you turn on your TV. and see how many soldiers died today. Or when you step over a beggar in the street asking for change. Life’s not a maze. It’s not a puzzle. It’s a straight fucking line, birth to burial. What you do in between will just make the time seem more meaningful. More bearable. Less terribly mundane and painful. Drain-full. Of life. Why am I so fucking obsessed with it? When I’m only trying to make the best of it. So I can live the rest of it under some sense of peace and false benefit. Delusion-ment. At least I’m not crazy enough to think I was heaven sent. Or will be sent back. In fact, will be escorted back with angels on my sides and God in my grasp. Loads of crap. So something to take pride in is that I'm not that. Thank God! Or maybe I'm thinking about contradiction again. Cause thanking God, I haven’t been. Praying each night, haven’t been. Believing anything outside this life exists at all, haven’t been. Won’t be. Won’t need. Won’t see the need to believe in such a thing. Won’t live my life like I'm in some dream that was created for me to choose what I want to be by something I can’t see. Simple really. Really fucking easy. 

What I Mean

What I Mean

I like the things that Dylan has to say

And I can listen to him sing every single day

And if you know what I mean

Say, “I know what he means”

I like to go outside night or day

I like the moon in the sky and I like the sun on my face

And if you know what I mean

Say, “I know what he means”

I hate the bad things people have to say

Filled with so much hurt and so much hate

And if you know what I mean

Say, “I know what he means”

No matter how hard I try

Things just never seem to end up quite right

And if you know what I mean

Say, “I know what he means”

Every day I wish she was by my side

But then another day comes and I’m all alone

And if you know what I mean

Say, “I know what he means”

And if you know what I mean

Say you know what I mean.

I Don't Mean It

I Don’t Mean It

Walking around thinking these people aren’t my friends.

I’m seeing only a middle with no end.

And I know that someday, these cliché thoughts will do me in.

So I’ll just sleep until my head aches come back again.

Please don’t tell me what you think of me.

I know it wont be a huge mystery.

Sometimes we must do things we don’t mean.

As for me I’m doing everything.

She’s jumping up and down screaming things I can’t say.

And I know I have had just about enough.

Sometimes the dice, well they just don’t roll your way.

Other times your just shit out of luck.

Please don’t  tell me what you think of me.

I know it wont be a huge mystery.

Sometimes we must do things we don’t mean.

As for me I’m doing everything. 

God Complex

God Complex

Maybe it’s a God complex

Or maybe it’s useless

To wake up everyday thinking that someone up there is

Gunna save your ass

I wish it were common sense

But it’s just a mess

What makes sense isn’t always the most common thought

With everyone else

You can’t

Go on

Like this

We can’t keep

Going on

Like this

Maybe it’s a God complex

Or maybe I just missed out

Cause I don’t see what everyone else sees

Without a doubt

Wish me all the best

Guess I failed the test

When you’re happy after your dead I will just be

Under the ground

You can’t

Go on

Like this

We can’t keep

Going on

Like this