The Heartbreak Foundation

Perfect

2011-04-06T07:58:00.000-10:00

Perfect

I say you're beautiful, I say you're beautiful.
And you just shake your head. You shake your head.
I say you're wonderful, say you're wonderful.
And you get out of bed, you leave this bed.

There's nothing else I need
So why don't you believe me?
You're perfect.
You're perfect.
You're perfect.

You think you're so strong, you think you're so strong.
But I see right through. See right through you.
You got it figured out. You got it figured out.
But I've been there too. Yeah, I've been there too.

There's no one else I see.
You just have to believe.
You're perfect.
You're perfect.
You're perfect.

I say you're beautiful, I say you're beautiful.
And you just hang your head. Pick up your head
I say you're wonderful, say you're wonderful.
And you get out of bed. Please stay in bed.

There's no one else I need.
Someday you will see.
You're perfect.
You're perfect.
You're perfect.

Forgetting To Miss You

2011-03-21T12:56:00.000-10:00

Forgetting To Miss You

The rain falls down for the sad ones
But it don't fall down for me
I'm walking through this graveyard
Where I hope they'll bury me
I've cried so much I'm ashamed to say
But now my face is dry
Though I will not say you're out of me
No, I can not tell a lie

Where will you go and what will you do?
I was killing myself cause I was living for you
Where will you go and what will you do?
Yes, I'm forgetting to miss you

I wrote your name with my guitar
and now I cross it out
I won't sing you another song
That you don't care about
The sun comes up on the rest of you
While I just buy my time
I'm still saying goodbye to the one I loved
I just hope she's satisfied

Where will you go and what will you do?
I was killing myself cause I was living for you
Where will you go and what will you do?
Yes, I'm forgetting to miss you

I will forget
I will forget
I will forget
To miss you

Bad News

2011-03-09T12:33:00.000-10:00

Bad News

i'm sorry
i've got bad news

but let's hold off
there's other things to say
explain
new stories to tell
i'll never lie
i'll never stray
let me explain
your eyes aren't making this easier
and your lips are distracting
need to get this of my chest
need my mind to rest
let me just explain
let me get this right
it's been bottled up inside
i'm overflowing
your body is temptation
your kisses tranquilize
i should get this out
these demons
i'm going to explain

i'm sorry
i've got bad news

i love you...

The Fleshy Bits

2011-03-08T18:14:00.000-10:00

The Fleshy Bits

leave out the fleshy bits
what is love anyway?
why are we singing?

leave out the moon and stars
leave out the sun and mars
what is lust accomplishing?
why are we pretending not?

i'm an irrationally rational man
or is it rationally irrational?

leave out the paper cups
leave out the napkins
what is companionship?
why am i bleeding?

i am only fools gold
under golden rule

leave out the jealousy
leave out the caring at all
what are your eyes?
why choose to look?

we are two animals extinct
we are the food chain

leave out your empty frames
leave me with your photographs
what can i even say?
why speak at all?

leave out the fleshy bits

Scream And Hell

2011-03-01T20:26:00.000-10:00

Scream And Hell

just give me your throat
i will twist
let's raise our voices
scream and hell
yell and fall
all is all
we'll pretend we're everything
but we can't even make up our minds
find what we need to find
it sounds so easy
looks so good on paper
just kiss me again
and I'll forget
scream and hell
yell and fall
all is all
and this is nothing
we are nowhere
and it's been said before
just give me your throat
and i will twist
just kiss me again
scream and hell
yell and fall
all is all

Black, White, And Red All Over

2011-03-01T20:20:00.000-10:00

Black, White, And Red All Over

What's black and white and red all over?
My need for a lover boiling over
Summer's going and the nights are getting colder
Don't need a fire but could use a smolder

To say I'm lonely is half the story
Wanna set my heart free to go exploring
You're only lonely when you know love's glory
Right now it's a drizzle but it could be pouring

Is it too soon to say that you're the one I'm looking for
I may be desperate but my heart is still sore
At this point I'd rather be dragged by your horse
Than to be shot down dead on the floor

It seems my well is drying up quick
Once climbed the tree of love and fell with just a stick
Once had a love so true and so thick
Just thinking of it now makes me sick

Can we fall in love? Ok, I'll hold your hand first
Don't wanna be lonely till I'm drivin' by the hearse
Forgive me in advance, I've made many disperse
Love should be a gift but I'll give you my curse.

Is it too soon to say that you're the one I'm looking for
I may be desperate but my heart is still sore
At this point I'd rather be dragged by your horse
Than to be shot down dead on the floor

Jazzman

2011-02-17T17:43:00.000-10:00

Jazzman

Thelonious and Coltrane
Haven't you heard the news?
Someday I'll be a jazzman
When I'm done with these blues

Thelonious and Coltrane
Please don't think me so wrong
I'll still be humming your tune
While I sing my own song

Thelonious and Coltrane
What makes the world go round?
I know what they think is true
But I think it is that sound

Thelonious and Coltrane
I can see a better day
When love will not disappear
And I can go on happily

Thelonious and Coltrane
Haven't you heard the news
Someday I'll be a jazzman
When I'm done with these blues

Oh, '68 Ronstadt

2011-02-17T17:36:00.000-10:00

Oh, '68 Ronstadt

Oh, '68 Ronstadt, that's where my hearts at.
Don't you know that it's true.
Oh, '68 Ronstadt, that's where my hearts at
And it's gunna stay there with you

I put your record on, and you know it turns me on
Sing me another Hank Williams tune
I hang your picture up, now I see it when I wake up
And again under the moon.

My last girl she, was just like a dream see
But she could not sing
With big brown eyes and long brown hair I
Guess it was too good to be

Oh, '68 Ronstadt, that's where my hearts at.
Don't you know that it's true.
Oh, '68 Ronstadt, that's where my hearts at
And it's gunna stay there with you

If ever I should, love again I would
Make her sing your song
She'd take those shoes off, let those bangs down real soft
And love me all night long

Can't you just picture it, you me and the pigs we sit
On such a beautiful day
You sing melody and I'll sing harmony
Let's not have it any other way

Oh, '68 Ronstadt, that's where my hearts at.
Don't you know that it's true.
Oh, '68 Ronstadt, that's where my hearts at
And it's gunna stay there with you

Above A Lions Mane

2011-02-17T17:25:00.000-10:00

Above A Lions Mane

You mess up my view
Now I'm seeing two by two
I mess up my words
When I sing my song for you
I'm drowning on dry land
And reaching out my hand
You swim in the deepest sea
And when you want you just stand

Arms hang hign over head
Some alive but most are dead
When that is so easy to see
Makes it hard to break this bread
Take my hands and take my name
Take my desperate fear of shame
Take this crown that down belong
Hang it above a lions mane

Above a lions mane, that's where I'll scream your name.
Above a lions mane, that's where I'll lay my blame.
Above a lions mane, that's where I'll hang myself.
Above a lions mane, well, least that's what I'll tell myself

Snake In The Grass

2011-02-17T17:14:00.000-10:00

Snake In The Grass

Time is tickin' away. Let's go away.
Time is tickin' away. Let's go today.
But you're a snake in the grass
A snake in the grass
You're a snake in the grass girl
A snake in the grass

I could wait all day. And you could pack your things.
I could wait all day. We could leave till spring.

But you're a snake in the grass
A snake in the grass
You're a snake in the grass girl
A snake in the grass

What did you say? And why are you so cold?
What did you say? You don't want to grow old.
But you're a snake in the grass
A snake in the grass
You're a snake in the grass girl
A snake in the grass

Time is tickin' away. And you're already gone.
Time is tickin' away. Left me on my own.
Cause you're a snake in the grass
A snake in the grass
You're a snake in the grass girl
A snake in the grass

Time is tickin' away
Time is tickin' away
Time is tickin' away
Time is tickin' away

Falling Off The Moon Again

2011-02-15T11:36:00.000-10:00

Falling Off The Moon Again

We're falling off the moon again.
Falling off the moon again.

We're all coffee shop important.
No one really sees us.
But we all wear a black robe.
We get blessed for our sneezes.
Just christen me wasted.
Haven't done much yet.
If you want to add to this torture
Just place all your bets.

We're falling off the moon again.
Falling off the moon again.

All the bones of our brothers
They're buried in the rocks.
We'll point to a flag pole
And act like we give a fuck.
No one ever sleeps anymore.
I think we all know better.
There is only sleep in the end.
And the dreams won't matter

We're falling off the moon again
Falling off the moon again.

No Name #3

2011-02-13T22:07:00.000-10:00

No Name #3

I work my heart to the bone.
Your face, it brings it close to home.
I've sent my letters in a bottle.
And turned off my telephone.
Don't think me alive for a minute.
We're all dead men by the end of it.
And I can see how six feet under.
Could work to my benefit.

I'm barely concious on the table.
At night I feel more Cain than Abel.
Not that I'd kill my only brother.
But my hands might not be too stable.
We all sweat in the heat of the day.
Don't mean I got anything to say.
If you want something in common.
Just pretend you're ok.

Soda Pop Tab

2011-02-13T21:53:00.001-10:00

Soda Pop Tab

a soda pop tab
that is what you are reduced to
the greatest love of my life
a soda pop tab
still hanging on
thinking one day you'll come back
and I will show you what I've saved
and your love will rush back like it never left
it's just a bad bet
on a soda pop tab
hidden in a cavern of my wallet
reminding me of a far better time
reminding me of my failure
a soda pop tab
that is what your memory is redused to
I can't look at your photo
I can barely say your name
still hanging on
this fucking soda pop tab
I got a Coke
you got a Dr. Pepper
we walked four blocks in the sun
growing love
this goddamnsonofabitchshitfucking
soda pop tab...

Only One Left In The Cafe

2011-02-13T21:45:00.000-10:00

Only One Left In The Cafe

the only one left in the cafe
just me
the waitress
the cook
and me
there's a peace to that
and there's a longing
create your own omelette
I call mine the 'Opportunist'
you are what you eat
and I'm trying to make a change
the fridge kicks on
my check is on the table
plates are neatly stacked
napkins thoroughly used
it's an 82 cent tax on opportunity
the waitress
the cook
and me
the only one left in the cafe
small talk with the waitress
but she's fucking the cook
so it's just me
the only one left in the cafe
$10.27
two dollars and seventy-three cent tip

Oh, Sarcastic Eyes

2011-02-13T21:35:00.000-10:00

Oh, Sarcastic Eyes

oh, sarcastic eyes
can't you tell me something true?
you have the smile of an angel
who's looking for a better view
I long for honesty
I long for touch
I can wait for honesty...
Why must it all be a game?
I'm tired of playing
Just take what you want
unless that isn't me
come back!
ok, let's play
I'll be honest as ever
you be you as ever
I will see right through you
and you'll pretend that I do
let's play
I'll accidently kick your foot
you'll accidently touch my hand
I'll accidently put my tongue in your mouth
you'll accidently put your hand in my pants
what a little game we play
I long for honesty...

You Make Your Bed

2011-02-13T21:28:00.000-10:00

You Make Your Bed

your energy
your God
some foreign power
just passed on responsibilty
you make energy
you make God
you make this place oppressive
you make this place tumble
and you can make it breath
jump
live!
I've seen its transformation
back and forth
stop passing it off
stop passing us by
your energy
your God
some life force, all knowing
bullshit
collective lack of conciousness
you make energy
you make God
you make this place
you make your bed

These Sycamore Leaves

2011-02-13T21:23:00.000-10:00

These Sycamore Leaves

I'm just as disposable
as all these sycamore leaves
And replaceable to
I could make just as good'a ground cover
probably with less noise
I would fall just the same
maybe a bit harder
with a little more pain
I would turn gray
not this burnt, faded orange
your footsteps would smash me
between the gravel
between the dirt, the sticks
feeding life all around me
being dead myself
these sycamore leaves
dead as dead can be
dead as you or me
whilting, drying, decaying
with still thousands
millions
billions left to fall
die
yes,
I'm replaceable to
I'm replaceable to...

Ice Cold

2011-02-13T21:17:00.000-10:00

Ice Cold

ice cold
it's ice cold in here
eyes all around
and I'm moving with fear
how am I going to go?
where to now?
maybe I'll never know
cause I don't know how
cold, cold, cold
ice
ice cold
green wood
who would have thought?
blue skies
for days I've fought
red cloth
we're all waiting for a flood
yellow paper
soaked yellow with blood
ice cold
it's ice cold in here
ice
cold, cold, cold

Lust In The Movies

2011-02-13T20:25:00.000-10:00

Lust In The Movies

Lust in the movies
Just trust and soothe me
Lust in the movies
What are we trading?
Foggy windows
Let's hope no one knows
Foggy windows
Your memory is fading

Skin like pearl
This is not my world
Skin like pearl
Is love what we're making?
Lust in the movies
Please trust and soothe me
Lust in the movies
For you I'm aching

Cafe waitress
We'll never make this
Cafe waitress
I'm always falling
Lust in the movies
Distrust and loose me
Lust in the movies
I'll go back to waiting

Escape

2011-02-13T20:20:00.000-10:00

Escape

In the cities and the towns that I flee from
The blue lights stain and the electricity droans.
A colored box is the comfort down there for most.
And here I am like some sad radio ghost.
Where is my escape?
Where is my escape?
Where is my escape?

So I'm going Kerouac on everybody's ass
Walking every where I go, making strangers with a glance.
Cause friends are too expensive and boy they expect a lot.
Disappointed to many and so many more I've forgot.
Where is my escape?
Where is my escape?
Where is my escape?

I believe that Judas had God on his side.
But I don't believe in God so why am I trying to hide?
The Devil is my only friend but I don't believe in him neither.
These imaginary demons are becoming nothing but my ether.
Where is my escape?
Where is my escape?
Where is my escape?

The Storm

2011-02-13T19:35:00.000-10:00

The Storm

This weather prohibits me from feeling happy now.
I just want to crawl into my bed and wait this storm out.
Cause I am nothing. Cause I am nothing.

I hate this season, hate the lightning and the thunder.
The leaves are falling and I'm getting buried under.
Cause I am nothing. Cause I am nothing.

Let the rain come down.
I will drown.
Let the wind blow.
Straight through my soul.
Cause you can't save me now.
No you can't save me now.
No you can't save me now.

I need the sunshine to remind me that Im still alive.
I need to burn my skin and feel my blood boil inside.
Cause I am nothing. Yes I am nothing.

Another rainy day and I may just disappear.
It only reminds me of all the things I have to fear.
Like I am nothing. Like I am nothing.

Let the rain come down.
I will drown.
Let the wind blow.
Straight through my soul.
Cause you can't save me now.
No you can't save me now.
No you can't save me now.

The Living Dead

2011-02-13T19:23:00.000-10:00

The Living Dead

The sky is turning red
And I am the walking dead
But please don't cry for me
In some ways I'm finally free

My skin has turned an awful grey
My nights just blend with my days
It's no use putting me down
I've already been buried underground.

I am the living dead. The living dead.
I am the living dead. The living dead.

My mind is a thoughtless mess.
But my legs are doing their best.
My eyes have lost all their life
And my teeth, well, they cut like a knife.

And it's all because of you
that I see my friends as food.
I just want to cure this disease.
Why don't you let me rest in peace?

I am the living dead. The living dead.
I am the living dead. The living dead.
We are the living dead. The living dead.

Woodpecker

2010-09-19T12:02:00.000-10:00

Woodpecker

I wanna dance to the beat of a woodpecker.
He don't got any rhythm but damn!
If he ain't got the right idea.

She wanna love me and I wanna let her.
So she can't be too smart but damn!
If she ain't pretty as hell.

I wanna sing harmony to a cat call.
He couldn't sound any worse but damn!
If he don't give it his all.

She wanna be my wife and I can't tell her no.
I ain't ready to stop movin' but damn!
I got no place to go.

I wanna dance to the beat of a woodpecker.
He don't got any rhythm but damn!
If he ain't got the right idea.

Now she wanna have a little baby.
I used to be a rolling stone but damn!
If I ain't always at home.

Mannequin

2010-09-19T11:56:00.000-10:00

Mannequin

She lays in half on the dirt
Propped up for all the world
I can't even cover her up
And I wouldn't if I could
She stands headless and not to sure footed
She could have stayed where she was and she should have
She's surrounded by decay but shaded by life
She stays out all day, she stays out all night
She holds a neon sign in her hand
It says 'Open' but it may as well say 'I Can'
She never raises her voice above a whisper
And even then it's more than hard to hear her
She's fenced in, out in the open
Your only pushed back every time you move in
And she stands on a soap box so you can see
She ain't nothing like you or me
Some say she;s beauty, some say she's sin
But I just know her as my sweet young mannequin

Some say she's beauty, some say she's sin
But I just know her as my sweet young mannequin

Do Or Die

2010-09-19T11:50:00.001-10:00

Do Or Die

I hate it when my father cries
I hate it when my mother cries
I hate it when my sister cries
Cause it's do or die

I hate it when my best friend lies
I hate it when my girlfriend lies
I hate it when my roommate lies
Cause it's do or die

I hate it when my father don't try
I hate it when my mother don't try
I hate it when my sister don't try
Cause it's do or die

I hate it when my best friend don't try
I hate it when my girlfriend don't try
I hate it when my roommate don't try
Cause it's do or die

I hate it when I don't try
Cause it's do or die

Wishful Thinking

2010-09-19T11:46:00.000-10:00

Wishful Thinking

There's a window on my door and you know what for
So I could see the world outside
And if it looks real good I may turn the knob
And step out into the night
I'll walk around with my hands in my pants
Thinking bout my past and future plans
I'll think about love and music too
But I won't be thinking bout you

There's a window on my door and you know what for
So the world can see inside
And if it ain't to clear, I think I'll stay in here
And curl up by the fire
Maybe I'll read a book and make some food
Enjoy my time alone
Then I'll listen to a record or two
But I won't be thinking bout you

No I won't be thinking bout you

My Sunflowers

2010-09-15T09:56:00.000-10:00

My Sunflowers

My sunflowers are narcissistic and I'm
Getting so sick of it
Always reaching for the light
They grow so tall and the shine so bright
Thought about cutting them and I just might
What is it they're trying to prove
Hummingbirds they love the taste
While I can't get a single date
I think they're starting to laugh at me
My sunflowers are narcissistic and I'm
Getting so sick of it
They make me feel like a total disgrace

But I'll wake up every morning
And hold my head high
I won't let those flowers beat me
I'll look em straight in the eye
and say nice try

Nice try

Sad Lady In The Sky With The Glowing Eye

2010-09-15T09:47:00.000-10:00

Sad Lady In The Sky With The Glowing Eye

Lady moon is laying low.

Looking like she got no place to go.

I feel bad I can't help her tonight.

So I stare at her sad, sad glow.

Lady moon up in the sky.

Please don't let him see you cry.

Nothing is ever that bad.

And it all gets better with time.

Lady moon pick up your feet.

It's time for you to dance to a new beat.

The sun may seem so different.

But he's Just like you or me.

Lady moon don't be afraid.

His decision has already been made.

The sun has left the night behind.

While you always choose to stay.

Lady moon I been there myself.

Wishing they'd feel just how you felt.

So if I could give you just one tip.

Stop chasing the sun or you'll melt.

I Miss You, Love

2010-09-15T09:40:00.000-10:00

I Miss You, Love

I miss all your funny smiles.
I miss the ways you caught my eyes.
I miss the house we used to dream about.
I miss the times you called my name out loud.
I miss you love, there is no doubt.

I miss the sheets we used to lay upon.
I miss the streets we used to travel on.
I miss the world we used to call our own.
I miss your voice on my telephone.
I miss you love, there'll be no other one.

I miss the hair you used to drown me in.
I miss the touch of your soft skin.
I miss the lips you used to bring my way.
I miss that sweet kiss every single day.
I miss you love, so what do you say.
I miss you love, let us be OK.
I miss you love, wipe these blues away.

Panic Of The Day

2010-05-12T16:24:00.000-10:00

Panic Of The Day

I sit on the porch all night

Watching the sun rise

Just another sleepless night

I’ll get plenty when I die

The past is flying by

Soon I’ll be flying high

Escape the question why

Another one’s soon behind

All the lies and the ones in disguise

They make me feel so strange

I pull the blankets over my eyes

So the world is out of range

I’m content to waste away

In this panic of the day

It’s the ones with the helping hands

That I can’t seem to save

I’ve only got a minor problem

With no solution

Second life is chasing the first one

So you understand the confusion

You predict the outcome

Not knowing the truth is long gone

Next time I’m just gunna grab on

To someone that hears my sad song

All the lies and the ones in disguise

They make me feel so strange

I pull the blankets over my eyes

So the world is out of range

I’m content to waste away

In this panic of the day

It’s the ones with the helping hands

That I can’t seem to save

In this panic of the day

Faithless (Go It Alone)

2010-05-12T00:57:00.001-10:00

Faithless (Go It Alone)

I’ve seen outrageous in different stages

Counting my blessings even if it's faithless

Our time is like endless races

You’ll lose one day and you won’t escape this

The trouble is it’s there anyway

We’re dieing just a little more every day

You can point at the stars above but

Jesus can’t save you even if you’re star struck

Oh, go it alone

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, go it alone

Oh, go it alone

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, go it alone

Looking for the answers in different faces

Spending your time flipping through some pages

You will hear what you want to hear

As long as there is always something to fear

Making mistakes and causing problems

It ain’t up to someone else to solve ‘em

Pray to the one that gets you through

And I’ll pray for peace and a treasure too

Oh, go it alone

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, go it alone

Oh, go it alone

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, go it alone

Never Believed In Luck

2010-05-12T00:53:00.000-10:00

Never Believed In Luck

It’s so easy getting lost

You still got your fingers crossed

I never believed in luck

I can get you out of this

Fake it like its counterfeit

Pretend that you’re doing everything right

Whether you’re right or wrong

You still got your blinders on

And I can’t hold your hand

You can throw a fit

We all got our own shit

You just have to figure it out

That’s why

I’ll be glad when you’re gone

I know it might sound wrong

But you deserve better than this

I know I can’t help you

Like you can’t pull me through

I will promise but you will only wish.

I don’t mean to sound unfair

But I can’t say that I care

Anymore than you should think I could

The ground is coming up fast

Your weight is going to collapse

You have to hold your own this time

Make use of common sense

Your daydreams are all a mess

So go to sleep and wake yourself up

We could start it all over

I could come a little closer

But it just might turn out the same

That’s why

I’ll be glad when you’re gone

I know it might sound wrong

But you deserve better then this

And I can’t help you

Like you can’t pull me through

I will promise but you will wish

Hip Hip Hooray

2010-03-18T23:22:00.000-10:00

Hip Hip Hooray

The day you said goodbye

I never knew I could cry

Like I did then

It just did me in

I used to love your smile

It just drove me wild

Now I can’t get it out

It ain’t me you smile about

I have shed my tears

I’ve faced my worst fears

So I’ll send out these three cheers

Hip hip hooray for the man who stole my years

I seen you happy with him

Wish I was happy once again

I just sit and sulk all day

Keeping these tears at bay

A man ain’t nothing without his one

True love was a prize I thought I won

Now you’ve taken it all away

And given it to some other name

I have shed my tears

I’ve faced my worst fears

So I’ll send out these three cheers

Hip hip hooray for the man who stole my years

You can say we’ll just be friends

But I know my love will never end

You have got a lot of gull

To ask me to forget you at all

I have shed my tears

I’ve faced my worst fears

So I’ll send out these three cheers

Hip hip hooray for the man who stole my years

Never You Mind (A Lullaby)

2010-03-18T23:20:00.000-10:00

Never You Mind

Never you mind sweet child

You’ll always be by my side

And though we can’t change time

I’ll be with you all the while

Never you mind sweet child

You are the apple of my eye

They can never bring you down

No matter how hard they try

Never you mind sweet child

I know you’ll make it there

No need to worry or cry

Cause life won’t always be fair

Never you mind sweet child

You’ve got everything you’ll ever need

If things ever get to be to much

You just come back to me

Never you mind sweet child

You’ll always be by my side

And though we can’t change time

We will make it worth our while

Nightmare Of A Dream

2010-03-18T23:17:00.000-10:00

Nightmare Of A Dream

Nights never dragged on so long

But I’m sure this night will end someday

Not that I want it to necessarily

But something has to change

I keep seeing you look at me

And it makes me feel uncomfortable

A little paranoid is all

Nightmare of a dream

I want to run but I’m running so slow

I‘m falling but I can’t hit the ground

I can touch what I want

And want what I can’t touch

Nightmare of a dream

I'm A Desperate Man (Since I Seen Your Face Again)

2010-02-28T20:57:00.000-10:00

I’m A Desperate Man (Since I Seen Your Face Again)

Put the bottles on the shelf

Flip the glasses upside down

Pick up all the chairs

Turn the open sign around

I know it’s time to go

But I just can’t walk out

My hands are in the air

And my heart is on the ground

Cause I’m a desperate man

Since I seen your face again.

I had closed the door

That held your every move

I had said farewell

And really thought it was for good

I may have been blind

Or I may have just been dumb

But I ask you why

Can’t I just move on?

Cause I’m desperate man

Since I seen your face again

The mirror talks in tongues

Yelling back at me

It’s hard to overcome

When you’re down constantly

I’m sure there’s a million

That are just like you

Still I sit here cryin’

Not knowing what to do

Cause I’m a desperate man

Since I seen your face again

Days Like This One

2010-02-19T00:44:00.000-10:00

Days Like This One

I look at time as a burden

That I don’t want in my life

And I look at you as a blessing

To help me through all this strife

And I look at everyone as a problem

I can’t get passed

And I don’t look at the sky for answers

I can’t get back

And it’s days like this that make it easy

Easy to not look back

I look at the moon like it’s the only

Good thing left around

And I look at myself when I hear you

Making that sound

And I look at everyone as a problem

That’s growing too fast

And I don’t look in your big book for something

That I can find myself

And it’s days like this that make it easy

Easy to not look back

I look at the treetops and listen

For the sound I’ve come to love

I look at you as my home

I’ll come back for a song

And I look at everyone as a chance to

Make it all work out

And I can’t look up anymore cause I know

I’ve had my doubts

And it’s days like this that make it easy

Easy to not look back

That's Not Me

2010-02-19T00:42:00.002-10:00

That’s Not Me

I sit in my room and I can hear my clock tick

I look at the face but I don’t see it move an inch

I imagine that times just standing still for me

It just can’t be

Time standing still for me

It just can’t be

Everyday I wake up and think to myself this is it

Don’t know exactly what it is but I’m hoping to find it

And at night when I sleep I dream of a better place

It just can’t be

Somewhere there’s a better place

It just can’t be

Everyone’s asking me what’s right or wrong and do I agree

Looking up in the sky for answers when they don’t know their own personality

And people asking me if id like to see peace in this world

It’s just not me

Do I want peace in the world?

It’s just not me

You expect to find someone to give you everything

I expect to find someone to give me everything

Oh No, Not Again

2010-02-16T02:38:00.002-10:00

Oh No, Not Again

I’ve had a busy day

And I’m just getting back

You’ve been the furthest thing

From my mind since I left

I put my brain away

When it comes to you and I

But then I lay my head to rest

And it all comes back to light

And I say

Oh no, not again

And I say

Oh no, not again

The day ends and I never sleep

I can’t close my eyes

When all I see is pictures of you

I lay awake all night

Just when I think I got you beat

You come back in my life

A phone call that just tortures me

Or a song that you might like

And I say

Oh no, not again

And I say

Oh no, not again

Why can’t you leave me alone?

And I say

Oh no, not again

And I say

Oh no, not again

Willing And Able

2010-01-26T15:25:00.002-10:00

Willing And Able

She wants me to be someone I’m not.

And to that I’m willing and able.

Since the moment she left me alone

I’ve been more than unstable.

I only saw one bright star in the sky.

Now you couldn’t imagine a darker night.

Hoped that star might still be in her eye.

But I see now she must have no sight.

I’m creeping ever closer to a straight edge.

Don’t look up and just take the step.

With love there’s the danger of being on this ledge.

I was just hoping it would be something I kept.

Emptiness is the biggest understatement.

I wish to only feel that simple.

Darkness is my true discontent.

And the waking hours are ample.

She wants me to be something I’m not.

And I would do it in an instant.

If she’d given me a chance I’d have shown.

I wouldn’t feel as if less than an infant.

My Torture

2010-01-26T00:44:00.000-10:00

My Torture

It’s always the same thing

Why can’t you change?

I should ask for some closure

But I won’t make you my torture

They say we can work it out

But they just talk to loud

They’re just looking for exposure

But I won’t make you my torture

If you’re done messing with my mind

I’d like to go on with my life

Please don’t come any closer

Cause I won’t make you my torture

No Name #1

2010-01-26T00:41:00.000-10:00

No Name #1

If you got feelings

Keep them to yourself

If you got a secret

Please don’t tell

If you got a worry

You’ll be fine

If you’ve got pains

Just give it time

No I’m not the one

You were waiting for

You must have made a mistake

No I’m not the one

What are you crying for?

You act like your hearts about to break

If you want money

I don’t have a lot

If you want company

I’ll give it a shot

If you want love

I did my best

If you want a friend

Find someone else

No I’m not the one

Don’t want you anymore

Can’t you hear what I say?

No I’m not the one

Please close the door

And walk away

Guilty

2010-01-20T13:49:00.003-10:00

Guilty

If you can find someone else

Then they must deserve you more then myself

I had to have made mistakes

Too many to count or debate

But I’m only guilty of loving you

Too much, too much

Yes, I’m only guilty of loving you

Too much, too much

I think I’m only guilty of loving you

Too much, too much

Yes, I’m only guilty of loving you

Too much, too much

The secrets in the way that you speak

Your words were so violent to me

Patience was all you did need

But your torture was waiting for me

But I’m only guilty of loving you

Too much, too much

Yes, I’m only guilty of loving you

Too much, too much

I think I’m only guilty of loving you

Too much, too much

Yes, I’m only guilty of loving you

Too much, too much

You have cast my stone

I’ve never felt so alone

We used to be as one

Now I just blend the day and night

It looks as if, im the bad guy

When my only fault is none at all

If it makes me guilty, I deserve to fall

But I’m only guilty of loving you

Too much, too much

Yes, I’m only guilty of loving you

Too much, too much

I think I’m only guilty of loving you

Too much, too much

Yes, I’m only guilty of loving you

Too much, too much

I'm Going Down

2010-01-07T22:38:00.000-10:00

I’m Going Down

Take a break, take some time

Can’t get failure off my mind

Its gunna end when I die

So why take a chance

Why even try, I know which way is down

I know I can but I probably won’t

Even though I can think I usually don’t

And I feel like I’m caught in a sad, sad joke

But no matter what its all gunna

End the same so what

You say you know me but you don’t

How come you can’t help me to cope

I’ve been so lost in my self

While you’ve been lost in someone else

It doesn’t matter anymore

All alone as the pain sets in

All I can do is just give in

I cannot fight it anymore

Dieing to see some golden door

I know it’s just a dream

I know which way is down

Ridiculous Nervousness

2010-01-07T22:35:00.002-10:00

Ridiculous Nervousness

Simple complexities get me down

Going in circle around town

East, west, north, south

Simple complexities get me down

I’m rising above the ground

Trying to see what’s around

But I can’t

Quiet nuisances freak me out

Sometimes I’d rather shout out loud

Quiet nuisances freak me out

Sometimes its hard when you can’t

Hear a sound

Simple complexities get me down

Quiet nuisances freak me out

Outsider

2010-01-07T22:33:00.002-10:00

Outsider

I’m an outsider

I don’t stay in

I give you a frown

You give me a grin

I can’t fit in

I’m an outsider

I don’t stay in

You stand so high

I feel so thin

I will never win

Is it so wrong to want to be myself?

I keep going on feeling sorry for myself

I’m an outsider

I don’t stay in

I give you a frown

You give me a grin

I can’t fit in

I Must Be Losing You

2010-01-03T21:10:00.000-10:00

I Must Be Losing You

I’m all alone.

And it doesn’t feel like home.

All I want is the time for some

Holding close like we’ve never done.

I can’t control what’s happening

With every breath I’m struggling

I’ve never wanted something

So much that it felt like nothing

I feel like I’m losing you

Because I lost myself

I want you to save me from this

I need to feel your warm kiss

It hurts just to think of it

But defeat I can’t admit

I lay awake so sorrowful

Sometimes the pains so powerful

I’d cry if I thought it could help

If it meant seeing you, I would kill

I feel like I’m losing you

Because I lost myself

Everyday it gets harder to wake up

And I try to just think that this is enough

As if you could wait, as if I could get it right

Looks like I’m here all alone for another night

I feel like I’m losing you

Because I lost myself

Because I’ve already lost myself

California Spectrum

2010-01-03T21:06:00.002-10:00

California Spectrum

You smoke your cigarettes

Pour a class of regrets

Sit down in your favorite place

Wipe all looks from your face

But that don’t mean

You’re gunna escape

I can tell you’re hiding you

I can see you’re aim ain’t true

You can claim they mean more

But your demons aren’t scarier

No body will accept

A broken mess

Life is a puzzle with

Pieces taken out

So before you die just

Make a sound

No one is evil and

No one is saved

But just speak up before

You’re in that grave

You’re a diamond in the rough

You think that is enough

You may have it figured out

You don’t show any doubt

But that don’t mean

It won’t crash down

Crowds of people look up to you

You must believe it’s true

Counting on lady luck

So you won’t get stuck

No body will accept

When you know it all

5.6.5.6 (Always Racing)

2010-01-03T21:04:00.000-10:00

5.6.5.6. (Always Racing)

This race against time

It is killing my back

Searching for a sign

Passing highways of black

This race against growth

I’m slowly vanishing

I might peak at most

But the end won’t save me

This race against love

God, it is so tiring

Pulling me back in

While pushing me away

This race against life

I could never succeed

For all of my strife

There’s only more waiting

This race against sound

It is so deafening

Words fall to the ground

Losing all their meaning

This race against trust

It could blind you so quick

Looking up to much

You’ll miss the rest of it

Painful Pictures

2010-01-01T01:34:00.002-10:00

Painful Pictures

Don’t mind me

I’m just dealing with a broken heart

She set me free

And all I can do is fall apart

She smiles alone

And the pain is something I can’t take

I pick up the phone

Just to set it down and drop my face

I must get out

I’m filled with doubt

Since you left me

I just can’t see

Your eyes they speak

While my eyes they leak

I am a mess

Just end all this

Her words are stones

Bouncing off of my feather chest

She breaks my bones

I used to be at my best

I call her bluff

But time has taken all I can win

This is enough

Only to start it all over again

I must get out

I’m filled with doubt

Since you left me

I just can’t see

Your eyes they speak

My eyes they leak

I am a mess

Just end all this

Don’t mind me

I’m just dealing with a broken heart

Leading The Blind

2009-12-23T01:58:00.000-10:00

Leading The Blind

I’m not saying it’s easy

But I’m just not the same.

I try to keep even

But everyone seems to change

At night, everybody

Looks like someone else

Every now and then

I’m in a daze myself

But I know

The difference between up and down

And I know

Only trouble will follow you around

I know

Which way is left and right

And I know

Where I’ll end up tonight

You say mean things

Then you say you didn’t mean

You made so many promises

That you forgot to keep

I may not know

What it is to have some fun

But I never wanted to

Know what it meant to be dumb

I know

The difference between up and down

And I know

Only trouble will follow you around

I know

Which way is left and right

And I know

Where I’ll end up tonight

Lets Burn This Town Down

2009-12-17T20:04:00.000-10:00

Lets Burn This Town Down

Maybe I can come and see you

Baby I don’t want to be here

I’ve had enough of this

I want to feel your warm kiss

Can I stand by your side?

Can I lay with you tonight?

It’s been so cold where I am

I want to feel warm again

Don’t you think about me?

Cause I wonder about you all the time

I wonder how you look right now

Makes me want to burn this town down

I could come in through your window

We could hide from everyone

Love hurts when you’re standing still

Loves a pain you can never heal

Lets burn this town down

The Beggar And I Swallow Your Pride

2009-12-17T20:00:00.000-10:00

The Beggar And I Swallow Your Pride

The Beggar’s banging on your door again.

Just five dollars for a bottle of gin.

And I've been crawling in circles on the floor.

Knees scrape, but it doesn’t hurt anymore.

Pain is the after-thought of the day.

And the word just happens to be gray.

Like the color of the sky at this time.

You were only looking to unwind.

Then life kept up its liveliness.

Your love with loneliness is begging for a kiss.

Outside burst with rockets red glare.

An indefinable electricity in the air

Keeps you awake the rest of the night.

The Beggars timing is just not right.

Panic is torture for a calm soul.

Patience pushed and loosing control.

Frustration at anything is bound to appear.

Sense and reason are no longer near.

And I'm tugging on your shirt, saying out loud

Can you ever keep it up, feeling so proud?

Can you ever let go of everything around?

Is it to hard to imagine yourself breaking down?

The Beggar is about to break down the door.

And I've just about worn down the floor.

And you’re still hanging on with all your mind.

You’re looking for something big or just a sign

To remind you of the you that’s inside.

The one that’s in control, the one that doesn’t hide.

And as you look you feel it slipping.

And it’s bound to, despite your gripping.

Because the Beggar is inside now.

And we are making up a small crowd.

With his hands out and my knees down.

And your ears holding onto the sound

Of a time of nothingness and a place of no one.

Now your mind is in a race that can't be won.

And it’s time for you to just let it out.

Your control over yourself is something we laugh about.

The Beggar and I are so eager to see you break.

Him for his money and me for pains sake.

So let us see how you handle a new approach.

Life is not something you can coach.

Not something you can plan, something to mold.

Life is what happens when you’ve lost all control.

Honesty XI

2009-12-17T19:00:00.001-10:00

Honesty Part XI

Look around and I see… Well, I guess I see life. Staring right back at my living face. And it’s a pretty strange thing to tell you the truth. Cause this is all you will really ever see when you look around. Even death brings life. And of course vice versa. And all these people, I just tell myself I don’t like them. And all this time that goes by, I just pretend soon it will all end. And this supposedly helps with everything. Or just hides my vulnerability. But I just can't get over life's futility. It takes over me. Haunts me. Puzzles me and disturbs me. I guess for the fact that I will never see. But does it really matter? Probably not. And I've just been so obsessed with all these lyrics. People that I idolize and happen to agree with most of the time. What does that make me? Smart? Part of them? Or maybe just easily influenced. Listening to the words in every sense. With out looking for a catch. Cause most things said aren’t exactly what they seem. Or maybe it’s just perception. What am I saying? Bullshit from the brain. Thoughts powerful enough to drive me insane. And at this point I seriously don’t know what I'm saying. Even repeating myself. That’s how thought happens I suppose. And I see people look at me too. Either in disgust or they see me as food. To chew me up and spit me out. And I'm still just sitting here watching. And I can faintly hear words from Dylan I've never heard before. And it almost hurts. Why can't everyone stop right now and listen. I count three with headphones and I'm almost positive what’s coming out of them isn’t half as important as anything Dylan has to say. But then again, I'm obsessed with lyrics, remember? So what do I know? I should just think of my own things to say that no one will really listen to in a coffee shop away from the heat. The heat of a day like today.

Honesty X

2009-12-17T18:55:00.002-10:00

Honesty Part X

I'm seeing things that shouldn’t be there. I'm seeing things that I don’t really care for. I'm seeing people I don’t ever want to see again. Not that this is any different then any other part of my life. It’s gone on awhile. I always say just believe in yourself and you will be ok and get through anything. But then I hear Bowie say, “Don’t believe in yourself. Don’t deceive with belief.” And it makes perfect sense. And this is my life. Confused by a song lyric from a greater man then myself, or maybe just greater because I didn’t think of it first. Cause belief is truly deceit. And I've known this to be true for some time. About as long as I've known that their gods are bullshit. Fighting over who is right and wrong. It’s a battle a millennium long. And it will never end as long as people go on believing things they can't see. And that will most definitely never happen. Cause new people are born everyday. And with them they bring another brand new mind to be shaped and molded into whatever popular society wants it to be. Wants them to see. Wants them to believe. They’ll deceive. And pass it on and on. Until their last day. Because according to that greater man, “Knowledge comes with deaths release.” Amen to that. How strange it is to suddenly be contradicted into personal change. That is if I believe in what Bowie said which in itself is a contradiction.

Tryin' Hard

2009-11-29T23:06:00.002-10:00

Tryin’ Hard

I took a walk to the other side of the block

Been lookin’ for a way to keep my body outside the chalk

But I’m walkin’ and I’m walkin’ and I’m running and I’m running

And I never seem to get anything worth something

I figure I could get out of bed today,

But that’s such and easy thing to say

I’m hopin’ and I’m prayin’ that today’s the day when I get myself together again, some way

I took a drive to the other side of town

Every things the same its like I’m circling around and around

Stop and go driving never bothered me much

And a big car crash feels nothing like a punch

I’m running out of gas in a metaphoric sense

And my steering wheel is a little bit tense

I’m stuck in one direction but that doesn’t mean straight

And your destination isn’t always your fate,

So I’ve learned

I took a plane to the other side of the world

Tryin’ my best to find the perfect kind of girl

The one that will listen and will take my hand

Make me feel like a true-blooded man

Never wants to take a useless chance

And always tells me I can do, not I can’t

She’ll want to do more then sleep every night

And she’ll always know that I could make her feel right,

I can

Dear Once Dearest

2009-11-29T23:01:00.001-10:00

Dear Once Dearest,

It’s a shame sometimes when I think of how it ended up for you. Not that you really even know the truth. Well at least not as of right now. You left, I stayed but in a big way I left too before you were even gone. And it didn’t feel wrong. I just wanted to be happy. You just wanted to be happy. I did something that made me happy. You did something that made you happy. And now you’re thousands of miles away. And I’m years further then that. Seemingly have my future intact. I’m really sorry if the truth hurts but I hope someday you can understand and forgive. I’m just trying to live. And I let go so you could do the same. I don’t want you to point blame. Because in some ways, you too are at fault. I still think about the ‘what ifs?’. But really, what for. I’m happier, and you’ll get over it. People always do. No exception for you. I hope you're learning everything you wanted to learn. Seeing everything you wanted to see. Doing everything you wanted to do. For you. Like you made me see. It was for you. No matter what you left behind. You where going to. And you did. Good riddance. I just hope you’re happy always. Because that’s all that is important. Trust me on that.

I swear it would have gone bad anyway. We would have ended all this someday.

Lets just take it for what it was and what it is. Though I admit it could have been better than this.

Honesty IX

2009-11-29T22:59:00.000-10:00

Honesty Part IX

Headphones and dirty feet. Feel naked inside. Am out. Out of excuses or explanations. So I just fill up with hesitation. Don’t know where to go from here. Or from there or there or even over there. Surrounded by things I'm to comfortable with to change. Habit. Its sad shit. And I don’t know what to do about it. Well, maybe I do, but I just don’t know how to go about it. I just spray paint a t-shirt and tell myself I'm being productive. But the truth is its worthless. To society that is. To them I need two cars and a business. Ex-wife with three kids and a mistress. Is that what life is? Not paint on a shirt? Or music playing in my headphones? Or just trying to spend as much of my life as I possibly can with the people I love the most? Cause for me, it seems, those things are enough. Perfection. Eleven bucks in my wallet. But I've found perfection. A girl and friends I love more then anything. And I've found perfection. No career or planned future but I've found my perfection. And its real. No script. No actors. No on behind the scenes. No one else but me. Living my life for me. Doing what I need to be happy. For me.

Big Mistake

2009-11-27T16:03:00.002-10:00

Big Mistake

Count the craters on the moon

Like you’re meant to learn

You’re just singing out of tune

And I feel the burn

Walking ain’t easy

When you’d rather run

And feelings are cheesy

But that’s just human

Let’s get it straight

Let’s get it right

I’m not the one you want tonight

Let’s get it right

Let’s get it straight

I would be your big mistake

Black shadow, white halo

And a bright red tongue

Dark eyes, skin pale

With an iron lung

You’re magic if you think

It’s just that easy

If it were I’d drink

And you’d always please me

Let’s get it straight

Let’s get it right

I’m not the one you want tonight

Let’s get it right

Let’s get it straight

I would be your big mistake

Your love is a complex

It’s your idea of fun

And I’ve been taken out of context

So your work here is done

Your hands are flawless

They’re making me a wreck

They fit without a problem

Squeezing tight around my neck

Let’s get it straight

Let’s get it right

I’m not the one you want tonight

Let’s get it right

Let’s get it straight

I would be your big mistake

When I Come Home

2009-11-21T10:51:00.002-10:00

When I Come Home

I could take a train

Fly in a plane

I would drive my car

But will you be there

When I open the door

When I come home

I could beg and plead

Even get down on my knees

Would you take that from me?

Would you wait one more day?

To see it all, become the same

When I come home

It can’t all be lost

There’s still a little bit of cause

I’m asking for something real

Can we take a little time?

Let’s not rush, lets make this right

When I come home

Thoughts Realized II

2009-11-21T10:50:00.001-10:00

Thoughts Realized II

I want another kind of God

Cause I don’t want to have to pray to get what I want

It’s so simple, but you make it so hard

I’m breaking your neck and you are twisting my arm

1 for 2 and 2 for 3

But 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10 for me

I’ve been resting all my bones

Cause I can’t wait to never come back home

Each day is just like the rest

Try to live my life, but I’m dying fast

Sitting here thinking of god knows what

But each time I think I’m just pushing my luck

I stand in line to wait my turn

Then in the front I pay what I earned

Lots of things just don’t seem right

A lot of things just don’t seem right

But nothing changes cause no one will fight

Let's All Just Pretend

2009-11-21T10:47:00.003-10:00

Let's All Just Pretend

Everyone’s got bad news for me.

In the papers or on TV.

Lets just pretend that we don’t see. We don’t see.

Everyone’s running to where to go.

Like sheep in an endless show.

Let’s just pretend we don’t know. We don’t know.

Everyone’s controlled by this country.

There’s greed as far as the eye can see.

Let’s just pretend that we are free. We are free.

I just never know what to do.

And I’ve never been taught how to.

But let’s just pretend I love you. I love you.

Lets just pretend I love you. I love you

Strange Feeling

2009-11-14T23:25:00.000-10:00

Strange Feeling

From you I get a strange feeling

That things aren’t always what you’re seeing

You play funny tricks when you’re scheming

Try giving some rest for the healing

I don’t think you

Know what I’m going through

I suspect you got it all figured out

Must be nice to live life without a doubt

Ran so many circles I lost count

But you seem to know what its all about

I don’t need you

To try and pull me through

I hear thunder doesn’t always bring rain

But your words are bringing me pain

I’m trying hard but feeling the same

You never change you just change the name

I feel as you do

That way may be through

Cabin Pressure

2009-11-13T17:58:00.002-10:00

Cabin Pressure

The cabin pressure

In this airplane

Is driving me

Insane

I’m moving

East towards

A place where

I can move forward

It’s not that

I’m leaving

It’s just that

I’m grieving

I lost my

Composure

Afraid of

Exposure

So a move is

In order

A swift push

To the border

Line

I’m flying

The cabin pressure

In this airplane

Is driving me

Insane

And next to me

The passengers

All look like

Characters

In a movie

About my life

They stand in

While I die

I hope we don’t

All go down

In a fire

Hit the ground

So a move is

In order

A swift push

To the border

Line

I’m flying

The cabin pressure

In this airplane

Is driving me

insane

Show Me The Way

2009-11-13T17:57:00.002-10:00

Show Me The Way

I’m waking

With a new mindset

Trying to get my feet wet

Trying to make the best of it

So I can live the rest of it

The way I want

Time keeps on spinning

And I keep on moving

Don’t know where I’m going

But I’m moving

And it feels like I’m losing

At everything I’m doing

And if you know a way out of here

Please show my the way

Will you show me the way?

Please show me the way

Street Of Change

2009-11-13T17:56:00.001-10:00

Street Of Change

I took a walk down to Seventh Avenue

Passing stores I wouldn’t dare go in to

Traveling away just to come towards you

Passed a man holding out his hand

Sometimes hope is in high demand

And sometimes pride is in a coffee can

I have nothing to offer when I’m here

And when I’m there, I’m without a care

Life is just small print, buyer beware

I know it’s easy to get stuck in this place

But I’d advise you to just walk away.

You’ll see things that smile without a face.

Pay no mind, sometimes it happens that way.

Just keep moving, this life is like a chase.

If your lucky maybe you’ll get there someday.

I’m seeing row after row of eyes

Every other seems to be up in the skies

Can’t we just try and stay focused on the prize

Almost there, I’m just about at your feet

Your face is trying hard to be discreet

I can’t get over the things you expect from me

Honesty VIII

2009-11-11T17:39:00.001-10:00

Honesty Part VIII

Drawing party lines like it really matters with whom I spend my time. “You have to be this high to ride this ride.” Then what? You die. Sorry if its cut so short but I haven’t written in a while and I just don’t want to lie. Cause lets face it, the act of death is about that quick. Sure, dying can take a life time but death is like a strike of a match. Shot in reverse. Life is the catch. Can't rehearse. How sad is spending your last hours wondering who will remorse? Does it matter? Your life is over. Just lay there and smile. And try to think of the first time you felt pleasure. And let your last breath go with laughter. Cause once your gone the bad times wont matter. The pain, the tears, and those party lines wont matter. Just go out better then how you came in. And we’ll think about your beginning to end. Till someone else’s time comes, and you're forgotten. It’s a sad story.

Honesty VII

2009-11-11T17:36:00.000-10:00

Honesty Part VII

I smear paint to feel sane. Like it’s a game. Do it right you win fame. But fame for an artist is all in the name. Signature at the bottom of a piece decides whether its priceless or worth pennies. Forgot to mention that it’s a game you can’t win. Out just as quick as you were in. And selling your soul is a sin. Don’t follow your heart and you might as well give in. Play dead. But forget you were playing and let it go to your head. How sad. But artists aren’t remembered till their death. So I'm racing for the finish line. Mean while, trying to by time with a signature. There is no bigger fear then failing at the things you hold most dear. Like failing her. Don’t want to think of it. An artist greatest inspiration. Love. Or an artist ultimate downfall. Love. A surrealists dream. Sent from above. A realists notion. Bound to know of. Knew he would know love. At least once in everyone’s life its something they can be sure of. They’ll love. And whether they need to paint it on canvas or sing it out loud they will show love. But hate can also send you fumbling for a fix. Choosing dark colors to mix. Horrible images that your mind can transfix on almost make you crazy. Disturbed and emotional as your painting. But its all meaningless if you don’t really have the feeling. Can't fake it. Can't fool us. Can't get off with an explanation. Cause the work always speaks for itself. Always go with a true feeling you’ve felt.

Thoughts Realized I

2009-11-11T17:34:00.000-10:00

Thoughts Realized I

I got the Dust Bowl Ballads hanging on my head

I got useless family members praying for the dead

But God wont help you if you only need him when you need a hand

I got an empty room, empty heart, and empty hands

And I’m not sure which one I’d rather fill first, damn

Cause it’s a long rough road till your satisfied, yeah

Its such and easy life when your not thinking

So other peoples lives just breeze right by

But I’m still sitting here going no where fast

I don’t need to much to help me get along

Just a good story to put into a song

And someone like you to help me sing along

It’s been years since we met girl, oh yeah I’m doing fine

So glad to see you well after all this time

But this isn’t no love song so goodbye

You're So Haunting

2009-11-11T17:31:00.000-10:00

You're So Haunting

I see you coming

You’re so haunting

I run away

When I wake

It’s all made up

There has to be a way

Time is so telling

I don’t buy what it’s selling

Day after day

It’s so long

And I've been so wrong

Wasting away

Elbow (Through Magnetic Fields)

2009-11-09T00:05:00.000-10:00

Elbow (Through Magnetic Fields)

I would love your elbow

If it gave me one look

I would beg and you’d say “hell no”

But one word is all it took

Infatuation and all the rest

You have me hanging on a string

I would beat out all the best

For just a summers fling

We’d run through magnetic fields

In my dreams you’d run along

Not just pretending to shield

Since when do two positives make a wrong?

Cause I know I’ll love you forever

You will figure it out soon

They say better late then never

You will get there too

I’m a man that just needs loving

Though you may seem uninterested

I see movies of our future coming

You’re just having trouble picturing it

I would love your elbow

Even as it pushes at my chest

I would beg and you’d say “hell no”

We both know that’s code for yes

Slipping Through

2009-11-09T00:01:00.000-10:00

Slipping Through

I know what it means

When you look at me

Like you don’t know who I am

And you won’t ever again

But I don’t want to lose you

I’m holding on but you’re slipping through

No, I don’t want to lose you

I’m holding on but I’m slipping too

I’ve cried all I can cry

I’ve tried all I can try

But I’ll just about die

If you’re not in my arms tonight

I don’t want to lose you

I’m holding on but you’re slipping through

No, I don’t want to lose you

I’m holding on but I’m slipping too

I’ve never felt so helpless

When all I want is to change this

My hands are tied and I’m doing nothing

Watching it all fall, waiting for something

I don’t want to lose you

I’m holding on but you’re slipping through

No, I don’t want to lose you

I’m holding on but I’m slipping too

Weak

2009-11-07T17:57:00.001-10:00

Weak

It was winter when I first saw your face

Butterflies in my stomach and someone else in my place

You could’ve knocked me back in time with that smile

I knew I wouldn’t get you out of my head for a while

My knees were strong

And you made them weak

Never thought the day would ever be real

Me calling you mine, knowing how it would feel

You couldn’t have been sweeter if you tried everyday

If you needed something from me, you just had to say

And I’d follow along

For you I was weak

Now time has stood still and I’m watching it stall

Crawling in place where I used to stand tall

The pain in my chest filling up to the brim

I’m clawing the door but you wont let me it.

My pride is all gone

Cause you’ve made me weak

Tuesday, July 24th

2009-11-06T17:48:00.000-10:00

Tuesday, July 24^th

I go a day without seeing your face

And it feels like something’s out of place.

I go an hour without hearing your voice

And it feels like I’ve never heard a noise.

If that means I need you,

Then it must be true.

If that means I love you,

Then I guess I do.

I go a minute without you near me,

And it feels like I’ll always be lonely.

I go a second not seeing your eyes

And it feels like I am going to die.

If that means I need you,

Then it must be true.

If that means I love you,

Then I guess I do.

Lifetime (What Women Do)

2009-11-05T22:24:00.000-10:00

Lifetime (What Women Do)

Once when I was eight

I thought could be

Anything that I

Wanted to be.

Then my mother left

Left me all alone

To figure out that

I could always be wrong.

First I count to ten.

Then I think

Of all the time I’ve left.

It’s a lifetime. It’s a lifetime. It’s a lifetime. It’s my lifetime.

The first girl I met,

She said she loved me.

And I found it so easy

To say it back.

The second girl I met,

She said the same thing.

So did the third and fourth.

It just keeps going.

First I count to ten.

Then I think

Of all the time I’ve left.

It’s a lifetime. It’s a lifetime. It’s a lifetime. It’s my lifetime.

Just a week ago

My Grandma passed away.

She helped raise me.

Made me who I am today.

And the strange thing

Is I did not cry.

I just understood

That it was her time.

First I count to ten.

Then I think

Of all the time I’ve left.

It’s a lifetime. It’s a lifetime. It’s a lifetime. It’s my lifetime.

Introducing Mr. Empty

2009-11-05T21:46:00.002-10:00

Introducing Mr. Empty

Running with nobody

Your worlds getting cloudy

And I’m seeing the same thing

The chance of rain seems likely

One hundred percent or just missing

And you’ve got people wishing

That you would change everything

They talk of the chip on your shoulder

They talk of you getting older

Don’t you think it’s time to see clearer?

Mr. Empty you could be something

Introducing Mr. Empty…

Life: N/A

2009-11-05T21:45:00.000-10:00

Life: N/A

Some people like to smoke cigarettes

I like to drive with the windows down

I’ll earn my cancer driving around town

Moving round

If it’s not one thing

Then it’s the other

Why bother

Life, not applicable

We say we want what we don’t need

And so many have said they don’t need me

Well me I’m ok with that

Just don’t come back

Life, not applicable

Mathematics

2009-11-05T21:43:00.000-10:00

Mathematics

Running by the road, chasing cars, passing passer-byers.

Shaking hands, making friends, time just never seems to stand

It just goes on and on

Counting words, counting letters, counting syllables.

Some you like, some you hate, some who could do so much more with their lives.

First blank expressions now smile in spite

You cared to much, held on to tight

Counting lovers, counting lives, counting conversations.

Jump of the clouds, stand on the sky, take a bow with no reason why

Park your car, make a move

Let all your troubles pass through you

Counting heads, counting arms, counting toes and fingers.

Time is long, life goes fast, you're already past.

So lets cheer for laughs, take some chance

I want to lay on the grass

Counting bugs, counting stars, counting atmospheres

Honesty VI

2009-11-05T21:37:00.000-10:00

Honesty Part VI

Writing like it’s supposed to be there. Supposed to be thought, said, read. What for? I can’t explain myself when I’m dead. Take me out of context. Think it was for a contest. View me as a wacko who’s thoughts congested his brain till he burst. I’m not cursed. Not crazy. But been hurt and lazy. Been happy. Been sad. You know the usual one with the other, tit for tat. What ever the fuck they ment by that, What makes bad words bad? What makes some women nag? What makes some kids lose dads? What makes you ask questions when you should just sit there glad that your even here at all. Sit and hope from grace you don’t fall. Grace being life. Fall being the end of it. Kind of negative. But it’s ok. Somewhere right now a couple is making a baby they won’t take care of. Life springs eternal. Or so they say. They being someone else that really had nothing to do that day then to think of some stupid shit that millions will eventually adopt and obey. Cause philosophies come so cheap. On a magnet, calendar, or the bible at your feet. Read, think, repeat. But don’t think so hard that you disagree. Cause then you might actually have a valid opinion and maybe for once see that if you actually use the brain you were born with you might be able to finally truly be happy. No fake smiles and fortune cookie philosophy. But don’t promise me, cause I don’t care one way or the other. What’s yours got to do with mine? No time to see what you think I need to. I don’t mean to, but it’s late and I really don’t need you.

Honesty V

2009-11-05T21:33:00.002-10:00

Honesty Part V

Laying here thinking about contradiction so I sit up and think about something different. Life’s a gas, isn’t it? Not as in funny but as in the gas you pass after years of bad food. Might sound crude but to others, true. But not new. I’m not trying to be original by saying life’s a waste. It’s been said, sung, and displayed, and more each day in new ways. Like when you turn on your TV. and see how many soldiers died today. Or when you step over a beggar in the street asking for change. Life’s not a maze. It’s not a puzzle. It’s a straight fucking line, birth to burial. What you do in between will just make the time seem more meaningful. More bearable. Less terribly mundane and painful. Drain-full. Of life. Why am I so fucking obsessed with it? When I’m only trying to make the best of it. So I can live the rest of it under some sense of peace and false benefit. Delusion-ment. At least I’m not crazy enough to think I was heaven sent. Or will be sent back. In fact, will be escorted back with angels on my sides and God in my grasp. Loads of crap. So something to take pride in is that I'm not that. Thank God! Or maybe I'm thinking about contradiction again. Cause thanking God, I haven’t been. Praying each night, haven’t been. Believing anything outside this life exists at all, haven’t been. Won’t be. Won’t need. Won’t see the need to believe in such a thing. Won’t live my life like I'm in some dream that was created for me to choose what I want to be by something I can’t see. Simple really. Really fucking easy.

What I Mean

2009-11-01T12:46:00.001-10:00

What I Mean

I like the things that Dylan has to say

And I can listen to him sing every single day

And if you know what I mean

Say, “I know what he means”

I like to go outside night or day

I like the moon in the sky and I like the sun on my face

And if you know what I mean

Say, “I know what he means”

I hate the bad things people have to say

Filled with so much hurt and so much hate

And if you know what I mean

Say, “I know what he means”

No matter how hard I try

Things just never seem to end up quite right

And if you know what I mean

Say, “I know what he means”

Every day I wish she was by my side

But then another day comes and I’m all alone

And if you know what I mean

Say, “I know what he means”

And if you know what I mean

Say you know what I mean.

I Don't Mean It

2009-11-01T12:43:00.000-10:00

I Don’t Mean It

Walking around thinking these people aren’t my friends.

I’m seeing only a middle with no end.

And I know that someday, these cliché thoughts will do me in.

So I’ll just sleep until my head aches come back again.

Please don’t tell me what you think of me.

I know it wont be a huge mystery.

Sometimes we must do things we don’t mean.

As for me I’m doing everything.

She’s jumping up and down screaming things I can’t say.

And I know I have had just about enough.

Sometimes the dice, well they just don’t roll your way.

Other times your just shit out of luck.

Please don’t tell me what you think of me.

I know it wont be a huge mystery.

Sometimes we must do things we don’t mean.

As for me I’m doing everything.

God Complex

2009-11-01T12:40:00.002-10:00

God Complex

Maybe it’s a God complex

Or maybe it’s useless

To wake up everyday thinking that someone up there is

Gunna save your ass

I wish it were common sense

But it’s just a mess

What makes sense isn’t always the most common thought

With everyone else

You can’t

Go on

Like this

We can’t keep

Going on

Like this

Maybe it’s a God complex

Or maybe I just missed out

Cause I don’t see what everyone else sees

Without a doubt

Wish me all the best

Guess I failed the test

When you’re happy after your dead I will just be

Under the ground

You can’t

Go on

Like this

We can’t keep

Going on

Like this

Dying Inside, Dead Today

2009-10-31T19:16:00.000-10:00

Dying Inside, Dead Today

Changing you inside me seems impossible

Yet you’re asking me to do so

I’ve only been running one way for years

Now my nightmares are more then just fears

You seem fine

You seem OK

I am dying inside

I am dead today

Its obvious things won’t be the same

But I’m willing to do what it takes

I’ve been so stuck on my forever

Haven’t even considered it could be never

You seem fine

You seem OK

I am dying inside

I am dead today

Clean

2009-10-30T16:08:00.000-10:00

Clean

Can you clean all the dirt inside my fingernails?

Can you clean all the dirt inside my filthy mind?

Can you clean all the dirt inside my fingernails?

Can you show me you favorite place to hide?

Then go outside a take a walk.

Can you show me you favorite place to hide?

Can you sing your favorite song out loud?

And I’ll plug my ears so I can’t hear

When you sing your favorite song out loud.

Can you clean all the dirt inside my fingernails?

Act Right

2009-10-30T16:05:00.002-10:00

Act Right

Black night

Black night gets me though

Act right

Act right like I do

I know

I know you want to

And I’ll try

Try hard to stay true

I know I can

Get more of what I want

Stand up

Stand up and shout

At all

All the people running around

Running fast

Running fast into the ground

For a few

That stand higher then the crowd

I know I can

Change more if I want

Bright skies

Bright skies don’t lie ahead

The world

The world is fast towards an end

She’s just

She’s just waiting to send

Everyone

And everything to its death

I know I can

Get out while there’s time

So speak loud

Speak loud what you know

Teach truth

Teach truth and grow

I wish

I wish we could all show

That what’s happening today

Isn’t what we’re all here for

I know I can

Try hard to love more

I know we can

Try hard to love more

A Mess These Days

2009-10-30T16:04:00.001-10:00

A Mess These Days

I don’t have anything to say to you

You left me out in the rain

I don’t have anything to give to you

You took everything I ever had

You took everything I had

I don’t have anything to offer you

I’m such a mess these days

Searching

2009-10-29T17:51:00.000-10:00

Searching

I lay my bones on the ground

So I can sift through every one

Looking for the perfect shape and size

A bone of mine that’s just right

Just right

I lay my head in my hands

I’m just searching for a new thought

A new thought that I haven’t thought yet

And when I get it I will regret every thought that I had before

Yeah before

I lay myself down to sleep

I make my bed so nice and neat

And I just imagine what I can dream

Then I close my eyes and see nothing

nothing

Honesty IV

2009-10-29T17:46:00.002-10:00

Honesty Part IV

Back again, and again, and again I'm back. Well not me but the creativity I lack. Remember. Anyway, its almost September. I'm almost done. I’ll turn Twenty one. Day your supposed to have fun. Supposed to but won’t do. . I told you, that I'm almost done. Don’t want none other then to be with someone. Visit from a friend today. He popped in. He had with him something I gave him. Myself. Cause lately its been all mine. Haven’t spent the energy or time getting close to someone outside my own mind. But I'm trying. While I'm dying. Like everyone else living at this very second. Old or young, they just won’t make it. The doctors prognosis is you’ve got the rest of your life. Be it an hour or five. Or five times nine years. No telling when your loved ones will shed their selfish tears. Having to face the fact that your death is simply just a reminder of their own mortality. So they weep, drop to their knees, “Thank God he went before me.” Ok, so maybe not in so many words. But the general feeling is always concern for who’s life is next to turn. End up in an urn. Or under the earth. And for what it’s worth, at least you got to leave. I'm still here. Everyday, wake up and I'm here. Every night writing about being here. Death is not something I fear. It’s very clear to me that’s just naturally a part of history, either to be taken seriously or viewed half heartedly. It will always be. Always be. Always before. Always believe. Always beneath. Always seeming to disagree with my life. Like a knife cutting stones. Can you trust someone with an obsession for ass and bones? Like two tones. Dark and darker. And I don’t know which ones darker, ass or bones. Either way, tired of feeling alone as my thoughts clutter my brain like an uninhibited drone. So I’ll do what I do every time I want to feel more simple. Think about some ass then go draw some bones.

Honesty III

2009-10-29T17:34:00.001-10:00

Honesty Part III

Ok, really, what’s the deal? Half the ideas in half my brain aren’t worth it to feel. Like this. And that. And that when it’s this doing that to this. A big miss. And a big mess. Like a big guess that didn’t help you pass the big test. Hits right to the chest. Then what’s next? Like nothing impacts enough. Oh, yeah,… me, sooo tough. Enough! Tough enough to get by maybe. But inside parts will always be like a little baby. Like, “Save me!” Like, “Change me!”. Like, “Just please don’t hate me!” It’s crazy to think it’s been almost twenty one years and it’s still relevant. Has changed a bit but not the core of it. And there will only be more of it. Like I'm making a chore of it. A daily ritual to be vulnerable and innocent. But it will never get done. Get me done. Get me over. Spill me over. Wash away my spill. Don’t be ill. It’s just my everything everywhere for everyone everyday to see and feel. And I know it must seem so miniscule. But I’m just trying to be a little different then the next everyday tool. You know? A fool. Don’t want to be. Am not. And don’t mistake it. And so I’ll try not to change it. As long as you can promise to save it if I start to misplace it. Myself is what I mean, incase you can’t follow. Please, ask me to slow down if that’s too hard to swallow. I’d like to barrow your eyes for a while if I could. If you would? You see, I can't see to good. You see? No, not me, I said I can’t see. See? Give them to me. I’d like to see me. With you. Something true. Undeniable. Can't be contradicted. Cause I saw me with your eyes and you couldn’t defend it. Pretend that you see someone you like, or at least try to not dislike. Try to not run at the site of someone whom you might actually in fact despise. Nice try. I saw you slip on some contacts. Trying to cover up your inner conflict about your life and what I should really have to do with it. But just wait a minute. Wake up! Sit up! Distracted from the screeches of the train, I finally realize the left was talking to the right side of my brain. So I guess I should refrain from any more deep thought that I haven’t bought somewhere in a book. These original thoughts, they’ll make you crazy. Talking to myself like I'm interacting with another side of me. I should just quit it all and start up with pottery. Making plates and bowls and ashtrays to sell off the street everyday. Something respectable. Something comfortable. Or just something I can sell my soul for. I wonder how much my soul could go for on the black market? Hopefully quite a bit. But then I’ll turn around and see it patented and sold at Target. Like some trendy piece of shit. “Come get my soul! It’ll look great in your apartment!” Just charge it, bag it, hand it down to your children. Your new family heirloom that I used to inhabit. Grab it. Before you’re the last on your block to have it. What a fit. Fit this in. In your head. I'm useless? You spend hours at night not doing anything in bed. Lazy fuck.

The Living Earth

2009-10-29T00:10:00.000-10:00

The Living Earth

The living earth is turning towards

Everything it has in store

But I just sit here thinking of

The way you look when your waking up

Important things are taking place

And all I can see is your face

If you just look at me one more time

I promise I could make you smile

Cause the sun and the moon and stars in the sky

They can’t come close to the look in your eye

When you smile at me and we want to hide

I can’t help but melt inside

The living earth is rolling along

And I’m just trying to hold on

Keep me stable and keep me still

You always were so damn helpful

While big men make big choices

I just want to feel your closeness

If we could just make the time

I promise I’d make it worth your while

Cause the sun and the moon and stars in the sky

They can’t come close to the look in your eye

When you smile at me and we want to hide

I can’t help but melt inside

If the living earth comes crashing down

You’re the only one I’d want around

We could make it ourselves if we tried

You with your love and me with my pride

The news reports don’t scare me none

Cause I’ll be with you until I’m done

If you could just speak to me

I promise it would make me sing

Cause the sun and the moon and stars in the sky

They can’t come close to the look in your eye

When you smile at me and we want to hide

I can’t help but melt inside

Wutchuneed

2009-10-29T00:05:00.001-10:00

Wutchuneed

Please come over here

Let me tell you

I can give you wutchuneed

I’m telling you the truth

I’m looking at you

I can give you wutchuneed

I’ve been watching you a while

You make me go wild

I can give you wutchuneed

You know your pretty sweet

Don’t make me say please

I can give you wutchuneed

I’m not a tool

I know you’re no fool

I can give you wutchuneed

Don’t run away

Come over here and stay

I can give you wutchuneed

Don’t you wanna come

Come and see me

I can give you wutchuneed

I wanna be friends

Not enemies

I can give you wutchuneed

Carry It All

2009-10-29T00:03:00.000-10:00

Carry It All

Your light went out that night

I’ve been dieing inside

My hope is all gone

But the pain is going strong

I still see that picture running through my head

I just wont be free in this world until I’m dead.

You could have changed it all, dropped the weight, made the call

But you chose to take the fall, make me stay, and carry it all.

Your light went out that night

And since, I just haven’t been right

Each day I’m stuck with time

And the thought of you on my mind

The Blues Made Me Do It

2009-10-28T14:11:00.001-10:00

The Blues Made Me Do It

I created your world from air

But the blues made me do it

I wouldn’t have even dared

But the blues made me do it

I never wanted to show I cared

But the blues made me do it

Never thought this job was fair

But the blues made me do it

I’ve hated almost everyone

But the blues made me do it.

Killed my only begotten son

But the blues made me do it.

Rained fire and brimstone

But the blues made me do it

Made dust of human bone

But the blues made me do it

I’ve repented for my sins

But the blues made me do it

Took the knocks on my chin

But the blues made me do it

Spent years against the wind

And the blues made me do it

Never like where I’m sittin’

But the blues made me do it

Honesty II

2009-10-28T14:09:00.002-10:00

Honesty Part II

Eyes are drowsy. 1:35 a.m. Tired? I am. Got Dylan on my mind. Words shooting through my brain and I can't keep up. Can't make sense of. Can't and wont try to rise above. Figuring out one thing at a time. Like the world is blind and I'm the first to see. Seeing blind people walking into things I've only this once seen. Like a dream. Running with no where to go. Falling and never hitting the floor. Opening door after door leading to only more. Nightmare. Dreamscape. Can't escape. Like tempting fate. No dice. Never gunna win. Cause your fate is always eventually going to be death. That’s never going to end. Dylan asked “How many deaths will it take till we know that to many people are dieing?” Cause to many mothers are crying, cause to many sons are fighting for to many idiots we invited into to many positions of power. Now they tower over us with their fingers at point. Till we can put our two cents in on who we should anoint. On who should run the show. Be the man. Lead the team. Organize the troops. And quite literally, though I wish it were figuratively. But when it comes to man, it’s hard to find quality. Twenty minutes later and I'm still thinking about society. Acting like I'm trying to be one of those few with quality. Disturbed as the next. Fucked up as the rest. Far from the best. But who isn’t? Better yet, who is? Lets meet. So I can steal from you like everyone else. That’s what we do. If your any better then good luck to you. Your gunna need it. Cause people will have a greed fit. Talking about how they do or do not need it. Like everyone’s lives are so reliant on everyone else’s. If you fuck with mine you’re gunna get it! If you got something I want I'm gunna get it! Just get dead. That’s what some people need. Get dead and don’t come back. As if there was another option then that. Unless you follow Buddha and come back as a cat or a plant. Or as one more unnecessary life that is wasted like the rest.

Honesty I

2009-10-28T14:08:00.000-10:00

Honesty Part 1

Here all alone. The only sound is cricket drone. Want to moan. Different tones of color, not there. I just see black. Black ripped sheets over an empty bed. Felt dead. Then lived. But now dead again and again. Black ink on white paper. Give me another. Black shirt on white skin. Is there another? Haven’t seen my brother. Haven’t wanted to. Haven’t had a brother in years. A mother? None other then the one I haven’t seen neither. Haven’t had a teacher. Haven’t been taught much but still manage. Learn by myself, still manage. Make my own mistakes, still manage. Raise and lower the stakes and still manage. Want to shake hands with the Dali Lama. Happiness is the meaning of life. Happiness ends when your dead. And so it’s been said make the most. Make the moist. Make the moisture. Make the mixture. Make the mix. Mix up words. Make new. New life? Been there done that, ended it before it started. Can’t be ready if you yourself are not living. Not dead, but just not living. The same thing every evening. Cliché to ask the meaning. So I write instead of singing. Instead of being. Instead of creating something being anything wanting everything happening. It’s simple really. He was sitting on a park bench, you wouldn’t know it from the drawing. He was often a happy man, although you wouldn’t know it from his singing. He was sometimes a beautiful man, though you wouldn’t know it from his ending. No kidding. But just incase, here is my broken clock. It’s broken so much my heart stopped. No longer beats with its metronome. Now it just floats alone in my rib cage stuck. Fuck! Fuck my luck. If you’d believe in such a thing. Again and again. It changes but will still always be the same. Same as yesterday. And the day before that. And today as well as the next day. I lay on my side cause my foolish pride keeps me off my back. Want to hide cause my selfish mind doesn’t want to come back. Try to be clever cause I can't face the fact that I’m really saying nothing cause of the creativity I lack. And if you saw me now, oh, the things you’d say. Say and say and say and if religious, pray. And if merciful, stay. And if caring, convey, that I need not worry about what they might say to whom Gods they pray for my sanity to stay. And so I try as trains pass by my window each night, begging for a derailment. Trying to express some kind of sentiment. Over thinking as if these words weren’t mine, but counterfeit. It’s magnificent. Disastrous. Malevolent. Miraculous. Ok, so not really. Just more misplaced words. But it’s the thought that counts right? Telling myself “fill a page, fill a page” God damn you asshole, fill one page! The whole worlds a stage? Then who’s behind the scenes? Oh yeah, that’s right, the eye in the sky is pulling the strings. Pulling my chain. So my water drains. The chain broke so now I'm just running. And I will be till someone pops my lid and plugs me up. From then on I’d rather piss in a cup. I'm getting stuck. A little time to go. I've probably had enough but I still got people on my mind. One in particular. Kind of spectacular. You want what you can't have and I haven’t had enough of her. Don’t want to be here anymore. About to bust out a window and walk out the door. A veritable rainbow in the day but just black at night. Is that why staying up so late feels right?

In A Shell (Back Seat Girl)

2009-10-27T17:44:00.000-10:00

In A Shell (Back Seat Girl)

It’s written on the window

You promised not to erase

Everything I meant to say

Then I touched your face

Cold air outside

Each breath, taking away

Fogging up the inside

Each kiss, the right way

We were in a shell

Protected from the world

Sometimes lovers melt

You were my backseat girl

Darkness all around

You brightened up the night

Music was the only sound

Everything felt right

It read ‘I love you’

But it felt like more

I promise to hold true

This love is not a chore

We were in a shell

Protected from the world

Sometimes lovers melt

You were my backseat girl

We’re not in a shell

Exposed to the world

And sometimes it feels like hell

But you’re still my backseat girl.